Broken hearts, changed lives

Last week I posted this picture onto my Facebook timeline and I had no idea how much I would rely on those words just a short week later.

Yesterday morning the judge residing over the case for our two foster blessings, ruled for the kids to placed in the care of their grandmother immediately. It was a shock for us, something we were not expecting in the case.

Last night as I laid in bed crying I couldn't help but reflect back to a month ago, to the second night they were with us. I cried myself to sleep that night, I was running on no sleep for 24 hours and all I could think about was the weight of the responsibility we had just taken on. I worried about how I would pay special attention to 5 children. How would I educate them all. Would I ever sleep again? Would James and I ever have another date night? My days seemed so overwhelming that first week.

  Yet, last night all I could think about was how empty the house was, how it was way too quiet.

Today, I would have gladly been woken by up that sleepy-headed happy baby. My daily tasks seem so small and boring today. I feel a little lost, unsure of what to do with all my free time. You see, I would gladly give it all up to have those little loves back with us.

God called us to be foster parents, and this is sometimes what happens but the reality doesn't do much to help heal a broken heart. We know we loved those kids where they were, in the moment they needed to be loved and safe. I know that for a few weeks, all their needs were met and they learned they were precious, loved children of God. 

 Yes, we got very attached and that is ok, foster children need someone willing to get attached and love them deeply. I will never regret a single tear I have shed in the last 24 hours, or a single thing I gave up to be a mom of 5 for an all to short month. My life will never be the same. I loved in a way, I never knew I could.

We saw their faces the first time he swam, the first time he watched fireworks and saw the lion at the zoo.

We saw her crawl for the first time and the joy on her face the first night she learned to trust us in the bath and she splashed with all her might.

I will never forget their faces, their laughs and the sheer joy they bought to my families life.

Yes our hearts are broken and we are also mending the hearts of our biological children who grew to have a great bond with our foster blessings. Was it worth it? Absolutely!

Will we do it again knowing the risk and the heartbreak?

Yes! Why? 

John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.